My eyes have never wavered from my educational and career goals. After earning a bachelor’s degree and completing four more years of professional education, I graduated with my Doctor of Pharmacy degree. I initially took a local pharmacist job, but I was thrilled when I learned of my acceptance into a pharmacy residency program. This postgraduate training would help me reach my ultimate career goals.
Accepting the position in the residency program meant moving to a different city. My family was genuinely supportive and excited for this next step, but a guy in my life was not. At the time, we were currently in a “situationship” and sharing conversations about turning our longterm friendship into a relationship. During our friendship, his family held onto the fantasy of us as more than friends. They were quick to criticize my decision when I announced my residency plans. His grandparents were “bummed and surprised” that I was moving. His father called me a poor friend and was irritated that my priorities were not on his son. Apparently, I was supposed to stay in town and think about settling down with him. After all, as a 27-year-old female, it was time to think about marriage and children.
As women, we are often expected to place a man’s needs and wants above our own. Once children enter the picture, we typically take on the brunt of parenting and make the majority of the sacrifices even if it negatively impacts our own education and career along the way. We are considered selfish if we DO prioritize our education and career.
I eventually realized what he truly wanted was a traditional lifestyle. Starting a family with the expectation that he would be the “provider.” Even if I chose to work, I knew my career would be the one to take a hit.
These expectations are why women continue to face a host of challenges in the workforce including issues of equality, shouldering a disproportionate share of childcare and housework even while working fulltime. These expectations may also be why women remain underrepresented in engineering, computer sciences and academia, with only 22% of bachelor’s degrees in engineering and 19% of bachelor’s degrees in computer science awarded to women in 2018. The higher the academic position, the lower the representation of women — with only 44% of women as tenure-track faculty and 36% of women as full professors.
Parenthood often reinforces positive career trajectories for men yet becomes an exit ramp out of the workforce for women. Nearly ½ of new mothers leave fulltime STEM employment after having children compared to only ¼ of new fathers, often switching to part-time work or exiting the labor force entirely. Women are often the ones adjusting their schedules and compromising when the needs of children and family collide with work, taking on caregiving responsibilities at the cost of their financial situation or career goals. While these may appear as personal decisions, these choices are often the outcome of social expectations that continue to constrain women more frequently than men.
Not every woman desires to marry and raise children. This is okay – even if those around us don’t support that decision. Women have options. We CAN go achieve education with terminal degrees. We CAN embrace our career goals and our passions. We CAN and SHOULD be able to follow our dreams and chase opportunities without feeling ashamed or guilty.
Some women remain childfree by choice. Some women delay having children until they finish their education or meet other professional goals. It’s time to value women’s accomplishments without thinking of them as selfish. It’s time to celebrate women’s career goals and plans for their future, whether or not marriage and children are in the picture. It’s time to fight for true equality across the board so women aren’t making the majority of the compromises when balancing work and family life.
I am proud of myself for making the decisions best for me and not conforming to others’ idea of how I should live. I am currently living life to the fullest in my residency program. You may not make everyone happy but the people who deserve a spot in your life will support your choices, goals and aspirations. To my fellow women in STEM, academia, and all other areas of life, you deserve to dream big and make decisions that are best for YOU.
Emily Hitt holds a Doctor of Pharmacy degree from Washington State University College of Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Sciences (WSU CPPS) and currently works as an academic resident in drug information. She has written for American Pharmacists Association (APhA) Student Pharmacist magazine, recently published in Annals of Pharmacotherapy and has published several drug monographs. Outside of work, she enjoys working on puzzles, baking, listening to music and spending time with friends and family.
This article was originally published in AWIS Magazine. Join AWIS to access the full issue of AWIS Magazine and more member benefits.